I Just Ordered A Buttload Of Domain Names For The 2016 Election Cycle

This time, however, I'm not going to list them. 

2012 List

Will Romney Pick Pawlenty for VP? I'm Hoping So Because Of A Couple Domains I Own

Still shot from a campaign video featuring Tim Pawlenty, me, and a Black Person at CPAC 2011.

News sources are saying that there's a decent chance that Romney will pick Tim Pawlenty to be his VP candidate. While I was never able to get my hands on RomneyPawlenty.com, I did buy RomneyPALenty.com and RomneyPawlenty.net roughly two years ago.

Plus I was briefly in a Pawlenty campaign video last year! 

Unfortunately I don't think he's going to pick Pawlenty. Romney is the clear underdog and needs several lucky breaks to beat Obama this year. Even if the economy tanks, the Republicans have left their destructive fingerprints on so many programs in the last couple years that I don't think that will sway things toward Romney.

Pawlenty is a "safe" choice, which means he has very little upside. While it's possible that Romney will be so deterred by McCain's choice of Palin that he'll want to avoid any possible loose cannons, I don't think he's going to choose such a boring candidate. If he's going to pick a boring candidate, he might as well pick one from a crucial swing state, like Bob McDonnell of Virginia.

I Bought SEIZESEPUEDE.COM

.COM Domain Name Registration - 1 Year (recurring)			$8.17
	Quantity:	1 domain(s)
SEIZESEPUEDE.COM

I was talking to friends about stuff and something prompted me to joke about developing an app that makes it easier for workers and government leaders in developing countries to seize land and assets from wealthy European companies and redistribute them. I decided that it would be called "Seize Se Puede". Then I liked that name so much that I immediately bought the domain.

It comes from "Si Se Puede", the famous inspirational line from legendary labor leader Cesar Chavez, which was of course translated and adapted by Obama for his presidential campaign. The name of this domain might not actually be that marketable though because "Seize Se Puede" sounds almost exactly the same as "Si Se Puede" when said out loud. But maybe that's a good thing for a wealth redistribution application.


Also Godaddy tells me I have 75 domains expiring. Great.

How To Make A Political Cartoon Bearable

Turn it into a Kelly. 

What's a Kelly? It's a parody cartoon by The Onion's talented in-house cartoonist, Kelly. Staples of these cartoons include the crying Statue of Liberty, the grim reaper, excessive labeling on people's clothing, and a little representation of Kelly saying something clever in the bottom right-hand corner. Here's a good example of one:

The cartoon below is reprehensible:

Give me your tired, your poor, your huddled fetuses...

It's cheesy, heavy-handed, the viewpoint is disgusting, and there's an unexplained speech bubble in the lower right hand corner. Who's talking? Somebody on the Staten Island Ferry?

But turn it into a satirical Kelly cartoon and now it's hilarious!

Haha! Another brilliant cartoon by Kelly. It's so horrible and over-the-top that there's no way a real cartoonist could have made it. Relax, folks, it's just The Onion. You didn't actually fall for it, did you?

Here's another cartoon, by J.R. Rose! The exclamation point is actually part of his signature. J.R. Rose is a cartoonist who's so cheesy and inept that you can't dislike him. Even though he's a moderate conservative, he doesn't have a malicious bone in his body; he's just adorable.

Pretty cheesy cartoon. Here it is after I Kellified it:

It's amazing how your opinion of a cartoon can completely depend on what cartoonist you think drew it. The real editorial cartoons out there really are as bad as Kelly's seemingly exaggerated parodies.

Ten Best Google Search Queries That Have Led People to Santorum-2012.com

Santorum 2012 is my food blog with pictures of recipes that look like santorum, the slang word that Republican presidential candidate and former Senator Rick Santorum's name has become. People have been finding the site through all kinds of queries with Google. Here are some of the best:


10. 'santorum chomsky'

9. 'obama butt'
Is this a viable ticket? Should I buy OBAMABUTT.COM?

8. 'santorum 2012', 'santorum', 'rick santorum for president official website', etc.
There are several dozen different terms entered by people who clearly just wanted to learn about Rick Santorum or find his campaign website. 'Santorum 2012', for which we're the first result, is the most popular term of all for finding the site. 'Santorum' is the second most popular. Catching these people is what I purport to be the primary intention of the site.

7. 'sanattorum 2012', 'santorium tube', 'sanotrum 2012', 'sanrotum 2012', 'sataorum 2012', etc.
There are countless misspellings of his name, of which I only listed a few.

6. 'santorum for president 2010'

5. 'what is santorum and what does it look like', 'santorum in the butt', 'literal picture of santorum', 'crusty santorum', etc.
There are many different queries from curious people who want to learn more about the slang word.

4. 'crack and mcdonalds mcflurry spoons'


3, 'i am dripping with santorum'


2. 'mc flurry 2012'


1. 'celebration deserts' 

The Internet's Digestion of Santorum and How Santorum Overflow is Seeping through My Clog

UPDATE: Added a little more to this article. Also my less popular site Gingrich-2012.net was also featured on popular gay blogs Towleroad and Joe my God, as well as the front page of Buzzfeed.

First, an explanation of the real symbolism in "Santorum Over Obama: A Cake." The melted Cookies 'N' Cream bars (four total) of course represent Rick Santorum. The butt bread that happens to be the exact same shade of beige as the president represents Obama and his butt. That's why it's "Santorum Over Obama" and if Rick Santorum knows what's good for him he'll make that his campaign slogan. Such a strong image of dominance this picture represents!

So while people seem to think my website is crude, now you understand that it's actually a collection of sophisticated metaphors and that as a viewer of my site you're an erudite connoisseur of high brow art and fecal humor.

you made me spitted out my santorum smootie T_T

Second, Santorum 2012 is starting to go viral and I haven't even sent out my planned press release yet. (Update 8/25/2012: I never did send out that press release.) A couple of posts on Reddit got us about 400--500 unique visitors in a day each, but after being featured on the front page of popular content aggregation site BuzzFeed, one of my photos has received almost 12,000 views so far (Update October 2012: That's over 30,000 now). Santorum 2012 itself got over 4000 unique visits on Wednesday, splattering our previous record.

So far it's been featured in a popular gay blog (Towleroad), Dan Savage's official santorum website, and the blogs of a couple of newspapers including The Stranger, the Seattle paper that Dan Savage edits.

My website is also now the fifth result on the first page when potential voters and diners google 'Santorum 2012.'

In addition, a lovable robot called Yahoo! Slurp has been slurping away at the Santorum feed.

Santorum overflow has also been trickling into my clog. About 5% of Santorum 2012's visitors check out JPG Clog.

The number of people visiting Santorum 2012 has been shrinking though, so I have a favor to ask of you: Email your favorite blogs and news sources about Santorum 2012. Tell them it's the new face of domain squatting or it's an alternative campaign site or whatever you want.

More pictures to come, including submissions! And as hard as it is to believe, I have another recipe I'm working on that will rival even the Obama butt cake.

Are you master of your domain? (No, because I own it.)

February 2015 Update: This list is out of date. It's missing, for example, most of my Clinton domains.

July 2012 Update: I just ordered a buttload of domains for the 2016 cycle.

Last August, before the midterm elections had even happened, I caught PRESIDENTIAL ELECTION FEVER and became so impatient that I bought 50 political website domains to get ready for 2012 and 2016.

These domains have two intended purposes:
1) To make fun of politicians.
2) To make money from politicians.

Some of them are a candidate's name plus a year and some are two candidates' last names put together in anticipation of possible national tickets. In 2004, a man named Kerry Edwards who owned the domain KERRYEDWARDS.COM was offered $150,000 for the domain, or at least that's the highest offer I know of.

I probably won't get the right combination though. The most obvious ones were taken. For example, everything I wanted that starts with Romney was taken. Romney, who is overwhelmingly competent, charismatic, and rich, is very likely to win the nomination. Fortunately if that happens I have plenty of autographed baseballs and books. Most of the less obvious ones were taken as well.

Not all of these are .com's, and many of them have hyphens in them. Will these scrub domains have been worth it? I don't know. That might depend on how high I can get search engines to rank them. Already the ones that start with Jindal are worthless for 2012 because of the Sherman statement he recently issued, though they're still valid for 2016.

A couple of them are deliberate typos that I think people might commonly make, like Bloomburg and Palenty.

Here's the list, alphabetized for your convenience:

ANDREW2016.COM
BACHMAN-2012.COM
BACHMANNBAYH.COM
BACHMANNBUSH.COM
BACHMANNDANIELS.COM
BACHMANNFORTUNO.COM
BACHMANNHUNTSMAN.COM
BACHMANNJINDAL.COM
BACHMANNMCDONNELL.COM
BACHMANNPAWLENTY.COM
BACHMANNROMNEY.COM
BACHMANNRUBIO.COM
BAYH2012.COM
BIDEN-CLINTON.COM
BIDENCLINTON.NET
BLOOMBURG2012.COM
BLOOMBURG2016.COM
BUSHBACHMANN.COM
BUSHBAYH.COM
BUSHBROWN.COM
BUSHCAIN.COM
BUSHFORTUNO.COM
BUSHMCDONNELL.COM
BUSHROMNEY.COM
BUSHTHUNE.COM
CAINBUSH.COM
CAINFORTUNO.COM
CAINJINDAL.COM
CAINTHUNE.COM
CHRISTIEBAYH.COM
CHRISTIEFORTUNO.COM
CHRISTIEHUCKABEE.COM
CHRISTIEHUNTSMAN.COM
CHRISTIETHUNE.COM
CLINTONBIDEN.COM
DANIELS-2012.COM
DANIELS-JINDAL.COM
DANIELSBUSH.COM
DEMINT2012.NET
GINGRICH-2012.NET
GINGRICHPOWELL.COM
HUCKABEE-DANIELS.COM
HUCKABEEBAYH.COM
HUNTSMAN2012.US
HUNTSMANFORTUNO.COM
HUNTSMANJINDEL.COM
JINDAL-2012.NET
JINDAL-BROWN.COM
JINDALPENCE.COM
JINDALROMNEY.COM
JINDALTHUNE.COM
JINDEL2012.COM
JOE2016.COM
KUCINICH2016.COM
MARTIN2016.COM
NADER2016.COM
OBAMA-CLINTON.NET
PAWLENTY-THUNE.COM
PAWLENTYBAYH.COM
PAWLENTYBUSH.COM
PAWLENTYCAIN.COM
PAWLENTYFORTUNO.COM
PENCE-2012.COM
PENCEBUSH.COM
PENCEDANIELS.COM
PENCEHUCKABEE.COM
PENCEROMNEY.COM
PENCERYAN.COM
PENCETHUNE.COM
PERRY-2012.COM
PERRYBUSH.COM
PERRYFORTUNO.COM
ROMNEYAYOTTE.NET
ROMNEYBAYH.COM
ROMNEYFORTUNO.COM
ROMNEYHUCKABEE.NET
ROMNEYPALENTY.COM
ROMNEYPAWLENTY.NET
ROMNEYPOWELL.COM
ROMNEYTHUNE.NET
RYAN-2012.COM
RYANBAYH.COM
RYANFORTUNO.COM
RYANJINDAL.COM
RYANPAWLENTY.COM
RYANROMNEY.COM
RYANTHUNE.COM
SANTORUM-2012.COM
SANTORUMRICE.COM
THUNE-HUCKABEE.COM
THUNE-PAWLENTY.COM
THUNE-ROMNEY.COM
THUNEBAYH.COM
THUNECAIN.COM
THUNEPAWLENTY.COM
THUNEROMNEY.NET


Update: More domains have been added to this list as I've acquired them.

The "Bush" doesn't refer to George W. Bush, of course, but to Jeb Bush. Though maybe the Republicans will rally H. W. to run and then get him to pick a terrifyingly conservative vice presidential candidate to later take over for him, who knows?

You may have noticed there's no Palin. I've been to enough Republican events to know how polarizing she is even within her own party. Her name usually gets a lot of boos when mentioned. I don't think she'll win the nomination. No, all my Palin money is wagered on her merely announcing her candidacy, at political futures investing site Intrade.com.

Most of these domains just have ads up right now, but I'll turn many of them into parody sites that make fun of these candidates. Ideally I'll piss somebody off enough that he'll want to pay me to hand his unofficial website over, but even if that doesn't happen, making fun of politicians for its own sake is good enough.

One of the exceptions is Martin2016.com, which I'd gladly donate to Martin O'Malley's campaign if he decided to run.

If you don't understand this picture, google "santorum."